Eaten by Lions

I had a disturbing dream last night. I was a primitive ancient human, all covered with hair and wearing nothing but a loincloth. The impression that I got was that I was living in someplace temperate. It was cold, but it wasn’t cold all of the time. Maybe it was a forest or something like that. Anyway, in the dream, I was being hunted by a lion. Fortunately, I was already in a cave. Unfortunately, the lion was trying to get into the cave, and the only thing I had to defend myself was a sharp stick.

It’s amazing how effective a sharp stick can be at keeping a lion from coming through a small hole. From the size of the hole, I could tell that there was ample room for the lion to come through, but it would have to wiggle in. It would not be easy, and the lion would be very vulnerable to being poked while he was doing it. This lion kept shoving his paws through and trying to grab me. I stayed back and stabbed at them with the stick. My adrenaline was up. One mistake and I would be cat food, there was no doubt in my mind. I was angry and scared at the same time. Part of me wanted to kill the cat and eat it, and another part of me just wanted to drive it off so that I would be safe. Wherever I was, I was NOT the top of the food chain.

Eventually the lion got really angry and just tried to force his way in anyway, despite me and my stick. As it crawled through, it’s neck was exposed, and I stabbed it with insane strength, driving the sharp stick into the big cat’s trachea. Once I got it through the skin and into the esophagus, I shoved it further into the lion’s lungs. Eventually it choked to death, but not before getting some nasty claw wounds in on my arms and torso. Some other people found me after that. They treated my wounds by packing them with some chewed up leaves and cleaning them in hot water that they heated using rocks. We ate the lion meat.

When I woke up, it got me to thinking about the different attributes primitive people might have looked for in caves. Having a small entrance was definitely an advantage. You can actually hold off a lion if you get the right size. Another advantage primitive people had was medicine. I had never really thought too much about it, but just knowing which leaves to chew up and spit out on somebody elses’s cuts is a big deal. Lion claws are dirty, and you can lose an arm or a leg (or just plain die) even if you kill the lion.

Anyway, after that, I’m staying away from the cheescake before bed.

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