Political Viewpoints 2011

Democratic Viewpoint:

Tax the rich and feed the poor. Taxation has nothing to do with job creation. We have a large amount of debt, and cutting spending isn’t enough to pay it off. Cutting social programs results in poverty and suffering. Cutting government jobs results in more unemployment. We need to create jobs by encouraging companies to hire people. Abortion is okay, execution is not, guns should be legal but felons shouldn’t have them, homosexuals are people too, immigrants should be able to immigrate. Health care is a right, not a privilege. Vote for a Democrat – what other choice to you have? The conservatives are nuts, and the independents can’t get elected. Let’s borrow some money and build some roads!

Teabagger Viewpoint:

Taxing the rich will cause them to stop creating jobs and the poor won’t have anywhere to work, causing unemployment to soar. Cutting social programs does not result in poverty or suffering. If we cut taxes to the rich they will create more jobs and the poor can practice consumerism again making the rich richer and causing the rich to create more jobs for the poor until everyone is rich (or at least can afford a small apartment and some food). Abortion is evil, execution is good, guns should be owned by everyone, homosexuals are okay so long as they don’t live near us, immigrants should be able to get really cheap jobs taking care of our kids and mowing our lawns. Health care is fine the way it is. Vote for us if you’re a true-blooded American and you want to keep the American Dream alive! Let’s keep our children out of debt by ending student loan programs!

Republican Viewpoint:

What the Teabaggers said, because there are enough of them to make sure that if we don’t agree with them they won’t nominate us. Oh yeah, Cut taxes! And guns are good. By the way, your religion sucks and ours is awesome. Convert or go to Hell. Obamacare sucks! Abortion is evil! Execute the liberals. Vote for us or you’re a socialist commie. Global warming is a lie! Your neighbors could be terrorists! Big oil is good! (they paid us to say that). Democrats are all a bunch of child killing perverts. These are the end-times people, let’s get ready.

Independent Viewpoint:

Balance the fricken budget. Cut the spending some, raise the taxes some, and make the money going out less than the money coming in with enough left over to pay off what we owe. The government should quit trying to screw with the economy – there’s nothing they can do to create jobs except hire more government employees, which spends more money and increases the debt. Leave the fricken social programs alone. Quit giving felons guns. Limit abortion and don’t pay for it, but don’t make it illegal. Fix health care to make it affordable. Give illegal immigrants a path to citizenship. Homosexuals have the same rights as everyone else. Don’t bother voting for us, no one else does either. We’re logical and we make sense, which is why no one pays attention to us. We just aren’t passionate enough. How can you compete with fanaticism?

Chinese Viewpoint:

Would you idiots get your shit together? There’s not enough people to buy the cheap crap our peons throw together, which is making it hard on our new upper class. And besides, you fuckers owe us money. World super-power. What a fricken joke. You spend all your money (our money) trying to pacify countries that are going to fall to anarchy the second you leave. Don’t you know that people do what you tell them to do when you’ll kill them if they don’t? Oh, and by the way, our kids are smarter than yours because you tell your kids its okay to be pot-smoking restaurant employees and we tell ours that they’re fricken losers if they don’t go to college.