HGTV and the Divorce Rate in America

This channel is the bane of marriage in America. My wife, like many many others, won’t watch anything else. Indeed, if it were not for this channel, we would have gotten rid of cable long ago. (I’d still like to get rid of it).

I get my news off the internet. Every once in a while, I’ll watch a science show. I do enjoy “Through the Wormhole” and “Nova” and a few others. Lately I’ve been enjoying TED. I’ll watch almost anything. My wife, on the other hand, only watches HGTV. That’s right. Not the news. Not soap operas, not sports, just HGTV. Period. At first, it was okay. Like I said, I can watch almost anything, but after watching this channel every night for years, I’m starting to have a problem with alcohol.

At night, if I want my wife to stay in the living room, I have to change the channel to HGTV. If it isn’t “House Hunters,” or “House Hunters International,” or “Property Brothers,” or “Property Virgins,” then she isn’t interested, and she’ll go upstairs and watch HGTV up there. Lately, I’ve come to the conclusion that I should just bite the bullet and watch whatever I want and let her leave. Sure, this is about the only time of the day that we actually spend together, but my brain is being held hostage, and HGTV is the price I have to pay. How long am I going to pay that price? Doesn’t she realize that eventually I’m going to break and start watching my own stuff somewhere else? Where will we then be as a couple? The couple that watches television together stays together. It’s a known fact!

Is anyone wondering why marriage is decreasing in America? I’ll tell you why. It’s HGTV. This one channel is likely responsible for more divorces and more cold-feet at the alter than any one other cause. Even religious differences come second to HGTV! I mean, if you’re thinking about marrying someone, and then catch them watching HGTV, that’s it – boom – the wedding is OFF. Because, obviously, the other party is addicted to these house shows. That’s ALL they’re going to watch – EVER!

So people, before you start, think about what you’re doing. I’ve talked with many men whose wives also watch this channel, and we laugh about it openly, but inside we’re crying. We’re crying about how this channel has taken over our relationships, how we can’t possibly compete for our wives affections against a 3000 square foot rambler on an acre of property in the Bahamas. We’re amazed at how a granite countertop and in-counter sinks can turns a kiss on the lips into a peck on the cheek. We’re blown away at how a master bedroom with bay windows, an on-suite, and a walk in closet converts a discussion about our day into a “let’s talk about this later.”

Thank God for Holmes Inspection. At least she hates that show. If it weren’t for Holmes on Holmes, I’d probably never even be able to talk to her. Now if we could just arrange for that show to be on HGTV in the evenings, maybe some romance would get done, and the divorce rate in America would start to normalize. How ironic is it that one of their shows is “Property Virgins?”