Combat Diaper Prototype X1
Marines love to urinate on things. They urinate on vehicles, buildings, animals, and each other. Only until recently after being caught urinating on dead enemy combatants has this been an issue. Realistically, though, there is nothing Marines love to urinate on more than a fresh corpse, particularly if it’s someone who’s been trying to kill them.
Of course, to non-Marines, this behavior is shocking. Most people don’t piss on anything, and the idea of pissing on a corpse just seems wrong. It’s hard to say how they would feel if that corpse belonged to someone who had recently been trying to blow them up with a bomb, or shoot them in the back with a rifle, but it doesn’t matter because most people don’t have the level of imagination required to put themselves in that situation. Do you really know how you’d feel about the body of a guy who’d just tried to kill you? Would you piss on it? Probably not, but you’d certainly be glad the fucker was dead and not you. Maybe you’d be so relieved by that fact that you’d want to relieve yourself too, but most of us would probably head for a toilet. For Marines, the world is a toilet.
The best hope for the Marine Corps to curtail this type of activity is the combat diaper – a product recently developed by the Boeing Corporation to prevent unwanted leakage during stressful situations. For the Marine Corps, the combat diaper has been modified with a secured locking system that prevents removal of the diaper. The steel mesh also ensures it stays on though anything short of a direct application of C4. Cipher keys are given to commanding officers to allow the removal of the diaper after patrols. Thusly equipped, Jarheads won’t be capable of urinating on anything except themselves. In addition, this should also prevent those troublesome battlefield rapes from being such an issue. Such is the future of combat operations, so piss while you can boys, because it won’t be long before you’ll be sporting a shiny new hyper-absorbent chain-mesh combat diaper. And, as a bonus, the filtered water can be used to fill your canteens!
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Filed under: Humor Tagged: | Combat Diaper, Marines Pissing, Preventing Marine Urination
That was hilarious!
I would suppose though that it is wrong to desecrate a corpse, no matter who it is. Unless the deceased liked that sort of thing, then it would be a fitting golden tribute.
See, that’s the problem. It all seems perfectly okay for something like this from the perspective of someone who just survived getting shot at. But if you take it from the perspective of the parents of the guy who got shot and is now dead and covered with urine, it’s an entirely different story! Amazing how different perspectives can be. I mean, if it were your kid who got killed, would you want the guy who killed him pissing on the body? There’s the rub. Of course, they do other wonderful things, like beheading the bodies and dragging the corpses around on the back of carts, or hanging them from bridges. So… taken in that context, would you rather have your kid beheaded and dragged through town, or pissed on?
The world can be a really shitty place sometimes. Best to stay home and write about it.
What a wonderful public relations device! It will deny our enemies the right to criticize or kill our soldiers over their inappropriate pissing and raping. Why didn’t anyone think of this before!?
P.S. When I first saw your title, I thought the post was something about humans or sea creatures urinating in the ocean!!
They have some chemical so I know if you are peeing in the pool so be careful.
Yes, that’s always worth remembering when you’re swimming in the ocean. It’s really just a giant fish toilet.
Ha ha ha! So did I.
what needs to happen? GET RID OF THE PERSONAL CAMERAS IN THE BATTLEFIELD, you dumbasses…
Yes, I rather suspect that they aren’t supposed to have them, but it seems to happen anyway that they enjoy taking candid videos and images of themselves performing inappropriate activity. You would think they’d learn. On the other hand, one wonders how many Lieutenants have ‘appropriated’ media devices from their men after coming out of the field to prevent just this sort of thing.
It sounds like some sort of weird sex toy
It could be.
Sexeh
Nothin says lovin like a full combat diaper.
Is what they did wrong? Yeah apparently it’s okay to maim and kill ‘em but not okay to piss on ‘em. I haven’t been able to come to a decision on this topic and that’s rare for me.
Hey Lynn. Glad to hear from you. Yeah, this is a weird issue isn’t it? You look at it from either side and on one hand it’s wrong, and on the other hand it’s “so what?” Bottom line: combat diapers for everyone! (It’s the only way to be sure).
What about pissing on enemy bodies that are on fire? Is that still okay?
I think it might be considered okay, so long as they’re still alive.
The combat diaper is a great idea. To save money they can borrow the design from NASA and just make minor modifications.