Being Read or Being Rich

I guess it’s sort of common sense that one leads to another. It’s not so much about fame – although being a well-known author is a type of fame – but it’s more about being read. You know, having people tell you they enjoy your work, having them want more, and having them actually look for books by your name because they enjoyed a previous works so much they’ll actually spend money to read another one. The problem? Mainly the price point and the availability. But that’s if you’re previously published and have a name that people know. For most of us who spew drivel, that’s just something we’d LIKE to have.

Enter Amazon, and the entire arena is changing. Previously that crap you spewed had no purpose in life, but not anymore! Oh, it’s not all crap either, I’m sure. The problem with the Publishing Industry has always been the barrier to entry. But that led to better books right? Surely there are writers out there who don’t care how they string sentences together and are exceptionally difficult to read, but have incredible plots. Surely there are writers out there who have incredible grammatical skill, but no talent at characterization whatsoever. Surely there are writers out there with an eighth grade vocabulary that still manage to put together mind-blowing ideas. And naturally there are those writers who can do everything well and come up with something that may or may not be published, all depending on whether or not some overworked reader screening a pile of slush ever finds it in the unsolicited mound of submissions and feels it’s worth risking their monotonous career to point it out to an editor.

But not anymore! Now, anyone can publish. Anyone can put an ebook on the virtual shelf. Now there’s no barrier, and the great big publishing machine is starting to lose its gears and smoke is coming out of little holes near the bottom where the screws fell out. For a long time the publishing industry looked at epublishing and laughed. Or maybe they snickered. Not all of them, of course. Some of them frowned. Others wet themselves. And others looked at the music industry and decided it was time for a new career. Hold on a second, someone has made lasagna in here! Be right back. Yes, it was the developer in the office next to me. She’s stunk up the entire office with her homemade lasagna, and I’m hungry and I didn’t bring a lunch today. Crap. Anyway, what was I saying? Something important. I’m sure I had a point to make. Oh, yes. Publishing.

Amazon has been caught. They’re signing book deals with name-brand authors. You know what those are: authors that have a name that someone will look for. Putting your name on your underwear does not count. And no, not Hemingway, he’s dead. (You did know that didn’t you)? It’s someone still alive. Not that respiration matters that much, I think if they could sign Hemingway they’d at least give him a passing glance. Actually, what’s wrong with signing a dead guy? But I digress (again). Surely it is the lasagna. Very distracting.

Bottom line, ebooks are competing with conventional publishers. They’re making it hard on them. They’re wiping out bookstores. They’re destroying printed material faster than a collection of medieval monks invading a college for Satanic Worship. And Amazon isn’t using real fire, they’re using virtual fire in the form of the Kindle. Yes, they’re setting a blaze with the Kindle (and the Kindle Fire) and they’re burning books faster than Nazi’s outside a Jewish bookstore. Are publishers feeling the heat yet? I think they are. Do you want to lose your bookstores? I think you don’t. Are you going to? I think eventually you will. What are you going to do about it? That’s what I thought. Absolutely nothing. But don’t worry, your bookstores won’t vanish overnight. Some of them will survive as coffee shops. Others will become one-stop kiosks for print-on-demand books you can order right there as you’re sipping a mocha (or a cappuccino, or a latte – your choice). Heck, maybe you’ll even order drip. You could even get a discount on your book if you order a coffee. Maybe they’ll have punch cards and free donut Thursdays.

My point? I guess my point is that you lousy publishers and agents should have paid more attention to my novel when I sent you the fricken synopsis, because I’ll be damned if I won’t publish on Amazon and put my own log on the fire. I mean, what did you expect? Sure, my work is crap, but that’s not the point, now it will be PUBLISHED crap! Bwaaa-ha-ha-ha (see what I did with the hyphens there? Was that absolutely necessary)? So go ahead, laugh all the way to the bank (where I hope you will get charged an ATM fee). See how far that gets you. Me, I’ll be sitting pretty, with just a few readers (mostly relatives) and maybe a couple of dollars for my months of hard work. And maybe I’ll setup a website or a blog to tell people where to go to get my book. And maybe I’ll even buy a few banner ads to promote it on some obscure website next to ads about “one simple trick to a small waist.” Who knows, maybe someone will even buy it because they think my name sounds similar to an author they enjoyed reading before and they were too drunk to tell the difference. And maybe it will sit on their Kindle for two years before it’s run over by a truck when it falls out of their car, or is sold to some kid for ten bucks at a garage sale. Who know? But it doesn’t matter, because I’ll be too busy writing the sequel!

Or whatever…

Advertisement