And In Other News…

Do you ever wonder what else is going on in the world besides the little snippets you see on the internet news sites and the media networks? Sometimes I read the news, usually over a sandwich, and think that the world must be flat. Not geometrically, but more from an emotional standpoint. I’m not excited at all by what I’m seeing. I’d almost rather bury my head in a good fantasy, or play a video game.

Amanda Knox was released, Steve Jobs died, Amazon is coming out with the “Kindle Fire,” scientists have come up with a new stem cell technique, monkeys are controlling robot devices with their minds, Nobel Prizes are being awarded to individuals responsible for showing that the universe is expanding faster than we thought and speeding up, and Sarah Palin isn’t running for president. Did I miss anything? Yes, probably a lot, and that’s the point.

Somewhere in the world, someone is doing something interesting, and it’s not me. Somewhere someone is jumping out of an airplane for the first time and wondering what the fuck they were thinking, but it’s not me. Somewhere someone is riding an elephant through the jungle, but it’s not me. Somewhere someone is orbiting the earth, but it’s not me. Somewhere someone is diving through a coral reef and looking at a shitload of pretty fish, but it’s not me.

Now, I suppose I shouldn’t complain. To put things in perspective, somewhere someone’s being tortured to death by religious fanatics. Someone’s sitting at a funeral. Someone’s sure they’re going to die any second. Someone is incredibly constipated and about to explode. Someone’s sitting in a wheelchair paralyzed from the neck down. Someone’s sitting in a North Korean prison (a lot of someone’s actually). So, who am I to complain?

Even so, I keep hoping that someday the magical bubble placed around our universe that keeps us from using our innate ability to reshape reality with our minds will suddenly vanish and everything will go absolutely apeshit as people learn they can do virtually anything simply by thinking about it. Sometimes I wonder wistfully what it would be like if dogs could suddenly talk and admitted to us that they could all along but that they were worried we’d stop feeding them and picking up their poop. Or maybe that an alien civilization will come visit and let us know they’re now selling all sorts of really cool technology in trade for seawater and literature. Or maybe Doc Brown will show up in his time machine and tell me I’ve got to go to 1960 with him to stop my parents from taking acid.

But despite what I might hope, none of it ever comes to pass. And so I am forced to live in this world – this “middle earth” between awesomeness and horror. Like so many of the rest of you, I must live a daily life of numb mediocrity, adrift in space and time, incapable of changing anything, unable to grab the reigns of fate, resigned to buying lottery tickets and dreaming of freedom. To maintain sanity, I occasionally write fantasy and science fiction material that is also probably mediocre and will never see publication. Could I have been someone else? Could I have been someone important? No. Of course not. It was never in my fate to be that. I am merely a regular Joe, a normal. There’s nothing special about me, nothing that defines me as being any different than any other regular Joe. I have no particular insanity – that I’m aware of. Occasionally I think that I must be a character in a novel. Not a main character, of course, but a side character. I’m supporting cast in a situation comedy requiring a laugh track to trigger any recognition of humor. My obituary probably won’t even be posted. I can count the people who know me well on one hand. I don’t even use Facebook. I’m the fricken invisible man. In fact, if it weren’t for you reading this blog, I probably wouldn’t exist at all. If I stopped this blog, I’d wake up tomorrow and find myself in a strange world where everything is white and perspective goes on in endless blank unformatted space. Maybe I reside on a hard drive that’s been recently erased. I’ve often considered that possibility. Not the hard drive thing – that’s ridiculous – but that I might be a fictional creation. I mean, ultimately, what’s the difference between me and a fictional character?

Anyway, I should quit spewing drivel and get back to work. I have to write a release note detailing issues with an Android application. In the overall scheme of things, someone else might actually read it and validate my existence. That would be something interesting at least.